"Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see."
- – Dr Weir - Event Horizon
"Abandon all hope, ye who enter."
- – The Inferno
ALL THE CRAZY SHIT GOES DOWN HERE.
The Warp (also called the Empyrean, the Immaterium, Hell, The realm of souls or sometimes simply Chaos, or in Warhammer Fantasy the Realm of Chaos or The Winds Of Magic) is an infinite dimension of pure magic/psychic/argent power. The Warp in Fantasy is the source of most magic in the setting and in Warhammer 40,000 is a H.P. Lovecraft-inspired grimdark answer to the "hyperspace" trend that's universally present in almost all space opera for faster-than-light travel and communication...while simultaneously also being the afterlife in both. The residence of eldritch abominations such as the Chaos Gods, the Warp is sort of an eldritch parallel dimension where the laws of physics no longer apply and is primarily composed of raw energy, shaped by the emotions, best dreams, worst nightmares and most disgusting rape fantasies of those living in the real world. Think of the Warp as a mixture between The Far Realm, /b/, the criminal-infested dark web, and a public toilet clogged full of shit, used sex toys and trash coupled with all the drugs you can think of. It works a bit like that. Except that it's worse, because thanks to the Ruinous Powers, it'll often actively try to kill you; basically like the internet, just with more anal rape, dying horribly and less sitting around. Or Hell, if wicked and righteous people could end up there and you don't even have to die first.
The Warp was a realm that existed before life on the planet, with the immortal Chaos Gods already formed within it (as well as most of the beings who would enter the Warp at later points in the timeline like N'kari, Be'lakor, and Karnak thanks to the time-fuckery of the Warp). The Old Ones connected the Warp Gates to it early on in their involvement in the Warhammer World. They channeled pure magic through it in order to create the races they wanted to fight Chaos, but as they continued to be displeased with their creations they pulled more and more energy from the Warp. This caused the Warp Gates to destabilize and explode into massive portals into the Warp, flooding the world with magic and causing massive invasions of Daemons to surge forth into the material plane.
To combat the Daemon threat, the Asur established Waystones all over the world to suck the excess magic back into the Warp. As a result, the power of the Warp waxes and wanes; when the Warp swells with energy, the Chaos Gods within battle for control and the material plane is safe(er) from their influence. As the Warp empties, the world is invaded by hordes of Daemons from all corners.
What happens in the mortal plane strengthens the Chaos gods. When greenskins march in a WAAAGH!,
Khorne GorkaMorka grows in strength and towers over his neighbors. The more magic is cast, the more influence Tzeentch can exert over his pawns both within and without the Realm of Chaos. As death, famine, rot and despair become more prevalent after wars destroys the land, Nurgle becomes the dominant power in the Warp. When times of peace come and art, pride, and hedonism come to the people Slaanesh finds himself spreading
rubbing his her THEIR taint across both realms.
Originally, all gods existed to a degree within the Warp. Khaine led many of the elf gods against the Chaos Gods, scarring Slaanesh permanently and cutting the forces of Chaos for many years to come. Despite this, the elf gods were forced into the material plane in a weakened state while Khaine was forced into a mortal form. The gods of the Humans were also forced from it at some point in time, eventually residing within their temples in the Empire. Dwarf gods, possibly due to the nature of Dwarfs themselves to disrupt the power of the Warp, were notably absent from mention in the Warp. In addition to the Four, there was also Chaos Gods of Order and Malal within the Warp. While they have not been mentioned in recent fluff, they were not retconned as existing either. The Horned Rat is also a Warp entity, being a Greater Daemon of Nurgle which created a race of rat mutants in his bid for godhood. He currently resides within Nurgle's realm, hiding from his former master.
In the End Times event, Nagash consumes two gods of Death and binds himself to a full eight of magic (meaning all of the Warp), becoming a Chaos entity if not outright Chaos God. The gods of the humans diminish greatly in strength as their temples in Altdorf are attacked and desecrated, while the strength of Sigmar is split between both in his reincarnation Valten and the current Emperor of the Empire, Karl Franz creating a true living God Emperor being in Fantasy.
In the universe of Warhammer 40,000, the Warp is the Grimdark answer to the "Hyperspace" trend that's universally present in almost all Space Opera for faster-than-light travel and communication. Unlike in Fantasy, the Warp in 40k is actually an adaptation of two metaphysical frameworks: Plato's World of Ideas, and Carl Jung's Collective Unconscious. Both describe a conceptual metaphysical dimension consisting of the common Ideas and thoughts present in all existence. In Platonic philosophy, all the Ideas we think are actually manifestations of a higher Extradimensional Idea. To Jung, our collective Unconscious is populated by such absolute and unending Ideas, known as Archetypes; Gods in Classical mythology are an example of this.
Every little thought or emotion affects this Collective Unconscious to some degree. Most people can't do much to the warp on their own, but lots of people thinking similar thoughts or feeling similar things will have a pronounced effect, especially if said people are psychic, a la the world of Mage: The Ascension. Even worse is that as part of our unconscious is born out of our worst collective nightmares, we can never rid ourselves of these daemons. Gods, who specialize in specific forms of thought and feeling, are born from this place when psychic energy accumulates with a critical mass (an example is the Emperor created by countless shamans committing suicide at the same time). This is the reason why the Chaos Gods, are well, chaotic to the extreme, because the Material Universe and everybody inhabiting it are themselves chaotic to the extreme and in need of serious psychiatric therapy and/or purging.
According to old parts of lore the Material Universe is affected by the big four Chaos Gods fighting each other for supremacy. If Khorne has taken the lead? A lot more fighting and war. Nurgle? More plagues and decay. Slaanesh? A lot more torture and rape. Tzeentch? A lot more Machiavellian scheming and JUST AS PLANNED. The validity of this is debatable as it comes from Chaos worshippers themselves, and we know how legit these guys are when it comes to information about the warp.
If you're not a Chaos god, a Chaos Spess Mehreen or a Daemon, you have no business staying here without Sanity checks (Unless you're Kaldor Draigo, Oxyotl and/or Leman Russ (according to If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device) (Doomguy started out making sanity checks, when he failed them a c'tan made him a god), in which case you can freely stroll around, burning down Nurgle's Garden, killing Slaanesh's personal Handmaidens and breaking Canon with every step). The Imperium of Man has shitty protection against it, and effectively plays a game of Russian roulette in hopes that they wouldn't get themselves dismembered alive in 11 dimensions speeding towards wherever the Empra tells them to. Which of course means that all the races of the galaxy flock to the Warp like dumbass boy scouts to a knot-tying badge, except for the Tau (who are only just discovering these horrors awaiting their tasty naivete, with their primitive Warp-Drives only skimming the stable surface of the Warp), the Necrons (which hate it, and thus use a Star Trek-like FTL that functions in realspace and therefore does not need the Warp. FUCKING CHEATERS.), and the Tyranids who use wonky gravity manipulation to get around when they need FTL travel. The Eldar and Dark Eldar are also somewhat cheating, as they use the Webway which is like a complex network of highways through the Warp once engineered by the now-extinct Old Ones when the Warp was a lot more stable back then, a lot safer but a hell of a lot easier to get lost in. If the Warp is the deep web, then the webway is like Tor, which provide an anonymous safety from being 1337 H4X0Red by the FBI, sentient viruses or horrendous cybercriminals, only that in this Tor you'll have to encrypt all the confusing maths and find the global servers yourself.
However this doesn't mean there are no benevolent entities in warp, the problem is that either that specific benevolent entity is the Emperor (who's now
catatonic in a position where he has no mouth and must scream, while his soul is being used as a psychic navigation lighthouse in the Warp called the Astronomicon), or they interfere with Materium once in a billion years, and when they do, they actually do nothing of significance. Also, benevolent entities would get consumed by evil entities, and/or are quickly exaggerated or "Warp"ed into something evil due to the massive amount of suffering in the material world. Or since 99% of the stuff in the warp wants to kill you and eat your soul, they also tend to just get ignored.
Supposedly (according to
many theorists the most crusty and privileged Imperial historians with access to the oldest records available) one of the earliest and possibly the first encounter of Humanity with the horrors of the Warp occurred sometime during the third millennium with the 'Merican starship Event Horizon. While the ship's gravity drive did successfully open a gateway in spacetime, it leapt outside the known universe and into another dimension, described later on by Dr. Weir as "a dimension of pure Chaos, pure evil". The Event Horizon has since then gained an evil sentience, telekinetic abilities and some grimdark Gothic aesthetics, tormenting and mind-raping its occupants with the aim of compelling them to return to "Hell". The Event Horizon gradually faded in the records of spaceship accidents with the development of the Gellar field, until humanity would rediscover the true danger of the Warp 24 millennia later, stronger and more fucking horrifying than ever.
There is another report of a warp invasion on Mars and Terra back in the 15th millenia that was fought off by a lone Human. (
Though it was thought it is confirmed that he is a similar entity to the Emperor which throws his humanity into question out the window) he fought wave after wave of daemons on mars until he and his allies were killed in an ambush by the daemons, and the C’tan. However, did his physical death stop the marine? FUCK NO! This marine's collective RAGE (and the energy siphoned from the daemons he killed) was strong enough to give him a physical presence in the warp and he fought, ripping and tearing his way out of hell until eventually killing the bloodthirstier leading the invasion. When he returned to reality, he discovered that the incursion spread to Earth as well. And so he ripped and tore his way through the daemon armies until he came face to face to the manifestation of evil. It is said that the marine came face to face with Khorne or at least a manifestation him. After beating the shit out of MegaSatan,he pranced through the Immaterium, ripping and tearing every single daemon he could come across....Until a bunch of bloodletters got the jump on him and locked him in a box...but then he broke out. Then the C’tan tried to invade earth again. He said FUCK THAT and did the same thing all over again...but this time he killed the head C’tan too. (and had there dimension assimilated into the warp)
TL:DR HE CAME, HE SAW, HE RIPPED AND TORE DAEMON GUTS...AND ANGEL BRAINS. he is currently being contained in a stasis pod somewhere in the Immaterium...that is said to be guarded by Khorne himself, and unlike Lion El'Johnson he really doesn't want to be woken up.
During the time of the dinosaurs and before, the Old Ones were cranking out powerful psykers like there was no tomorrow, shitting out creatures like Orks, Eldar, Slann, and who knows what else to fight the endless tide of mummy robots and star eating, life energy nomming lovecraftian energy gods, (That look more like squid people in there native realm) and they still lost (they might have had a traitor among them). All the RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEGGGG!!!!!! felt during the fighting by all those powerfully psychic races as they fought and died changed the warp in the milky way from a calm place where you could get anywhere you wanted without much trouble transformed into the hell hole it is now, minus the daemons. Instead, there were squid jellyfish parasites called Enslavers who would mind control psykers and eventually turn them into a warp portal which would both kill the psyker and allow more Enslavers to come out. (They still show up every now and then to make life miserable for everyone else in the galaxy.)
The Eldar hid like a bunch of pussies in the webway system while the few remaining old ones who weren't killed by the Necrons and the C'tan were wiped out by the Enslavers; the Slann... did something; and the Orks survived and made their own gods.
After a while Humanity evolved and were once led by powerful psykers known as the Shamans. They used to reincarnate, but the gestation of who would soon be the Ruinous Powers of Chaos rendered them unable to do that and instead their souls were consumed by the Warp (There's a theory that implied that this gestation was triggered by a massive disturbance in the Warp by the first most reprehensible action in humanity, "The First Murder", when someone killed his brother in cold blood. This is obviously a reference to Cain and Abel) These Shamans were forced to commit mass suicide at the same time so that all their souls would merge into a single entity able to protect Mankind from the Ruinous Powers: The Emperor. He guided Mankind under various guises until the Dark Age of Technology when Humans invented the Navigators and the Gellar Field to go through the Warp and colonize the galaxy.
Unfortunately the Eldar fell into massive debauchery and being an entire race of psykers caused the Birth of Slaanesh and the Age of Strife where the Warp was turned into the daemon-and-tentacle-rape-infested shit-pit it is now. The Emperor created the Astronomicon as a guiding beacon for Navigators but that was just a metaphorical Band-Aid for his real solution to conquer the Webway using a psychic amplifier called the Golden Throne and exterminate those damned space elves once and for all. They did deserve it for birthing Slaanesh. Unfortunately, during the Horus Heresy, Magnus the Red just had to make that psychic phone call that damages the Throne forcing Malcador the Sigillite to clog the Throne with his psychic powers while the Emperor and Horus brutalized each other. Malcador crumbled to dust just as the Emperor's massive golden ass was placed on the Throne and now in the 41st Millennium he is in a perpetual state of eternal torture trying to clog the daemon-infested Webway with his ass so that Terra would not turn into a second Eye of Terror, while Humanity now has to sacrifice thousands of psykers just to keep the Throne running. And for all his troubles, Magnus was made a Daemon Prince and the eternal pawn of Tzeentch. Grimdark. And then Abaddon finally did it, ripping open the Eye of Terror into the Great Rift dividing the galaxy in half.
Age of Sigmar
Now with Skavenblight sandwiched between it and the eight material realms, giving Skaven access to everywhere.
|The Nine Realms of the Age of Sigmar|
|Aqshy||Realm of Chaos||Ghyran|
Just as with Earth's oceans, the Warp occasionally has storms here and there that block all shipping within the neighborhood. Warp storms were largely responsible for the collapse of 40k's pre-Imperial human civilizations, when every planet was suddenly isolated and left to the mercy of daemon-possessed psykers. In Fantasy, Warp Storm cause a massive swell in the strength of any magic used, allowing great and terrible feats as the world itself warps and mutates.
The Warp also plays havoc with space and time. Journey times through the Warp are variable and not possible to predict with great accuracy. A given journey could take days or weeks depending on your luck. If you're really unlucky, a journey that usually takes days may take centuries, while you only experienced a few hours of travel time, so the war you came to fight is long over and everyone you know is dead. You might even wind up at your destination several weeks before you set off, and enjoy the priceless looks of horror on the faces of the inhabitants of the planet below that they're about to be hit by an Ork WAAAGH! You can also end up popping out few hundred years in the past and get yourself executed by the Inquisition for trying to impose someone who does not exist yet. Time is so flexible in the warp that at one point an Ork Waaagh arrived before it left and the Warboss killed himself to get two of his favorite gun, or guns. This is certainly a great way for shitty writers to resolve plot holes and inconsistencies. "Timey-wimey, warply-darply, stuff." Ordo Chronos used to do something with these time-travellers, but disappeared for some reason.
Is The Warp The Same Thing In Aos/Fantasy/40k?
For now, yes. It is indeed the same Warp of Fantasy and Age of Sigmar because GW decided that having two (or three) versions of the same extradimensional hell party on LSD was too tiresome to keep up with.
This is of course a huge source of skub and so it's best approached in a careful manner whenever the topic comes up.
By this point you may be wondering why is that no one has developed extensive measures to counter warp based phenomena, the answer is that, yes, it has been some serious attempts, with variable measures of success.
The biggest project to shutdown the warp for good was done by the C'tan and the Necrons before they jumped on the former and turned them into pokemón. During the War in Heaven, they built a vast network of pylons made from the substance known as Noctilith to effectively negate the Old Ones' main advantage, that being the use of their Webway. Interestingly this may actually explain the boundaries of the current Eye of Terror, as it appears to be that the Necrons built the network with the specific idea to surround the Eldar's core territories as they were slowly becoming more advanced while the Old Ones were getting pwned across the galaxy. Unfortunately for the Necrons, the Eldar developed quicker than expected, and with their own rebellion against the C'tan crippling them, made them abandon the network project midway. How this would have affected the Necrons themselves now that they depend on the Webway through the Dolmen Gates is a great source of speculation.
A derived example of this sort of technology is the Null Field Matrix, which allows a Tomb World to deny the effects of the warp in their immediate territory, effectively crippling everything warp-related, unfortunately it appears these sort of devices are quite fragile and indeed would be a major target in any battle against the Necrons by anything warp-based.
The Necrons apparently tried a different approach too, developing the pariah warp gene, this point however has conflicting sources, as it appears sometimes the gene occurs naturally without their direct intervention, maybe it's effectively a natural occurrence, and the skelebots just decided to make it more common through genetic manipulation.
In the case of the Imperium they have the Geller Field technology as their most widespread way to deal with the warp, supposedly what the Geller Field generator does is creates a "bubble" of reality around the ship so it can travel across the warp instead of the neutralize it, this bubble seems to still allow for minor warp events to happen such as the sending and receiving of astropathic messages.
The second antiwarp "technology" used by the Imperium are wards and rituals to contain Chaos pollution, this seems to be still warp-based as rather than completely nullify the energies of the immaterium it redirects its flow and shapes it so it can deny the most negative effects of the warp, this also seems to be the basic of the chaos-denying quality of Faith in 40k, as it "naturally" shields the individual through the redirection of chaos-based warp energy through more orderly currents although this may be an overly simplification and there may be more factors, as all things related to faith it's nigh impossible to measure.
The third mechanism for the Imperium to block warp-phenomena is the use of blanks, be it in the form of agents trained by the Inquisition, or the Assassin temples. Although sometimes blanks who weren't caught by the Black Ships pop up here and there as literary devices. Another, bleaker way is by using the remains of the blanks in the form of missiles with warhead cores made of their ashes, it's not specified if the blanks are actively killed, or the Imperium just waits for them to die, although in this particular case the latter would make more sense as a blank is too much of a valuable resource to be used up in a single attack unless the need is too extreme, but then again, this is 40k so you may expect both cases to happen.
The fourth measure to deal with the warp is being really racist and paranoid and killing would be Psykers immediately. This is actually somewhat effective. Wild Psykers are the most frequently way for warp shit to gain access to reality so if your diligent about dealing with Psykers and keep there population low you keep a lot of warp shenanigans from happening the first place.
And with the current advance of the plotline, Belisarius Cawl seems to be working in retro-engineering the Necron Noctilith based technologies to find a way to close the Cicatrix Maledictum, and the Necrons aren't quite too happy about the kleptomaniacs in the priesthood of Mars stealing their property and war has erupted in many systems.
The Orks, being Orks, have a straightforward and simple solution to this problem just as they do any other. They nail great big teeth onto their ships as an offering to Gork and Mork for safe passage. If that doesn't work, they can always fight the daemons instead, which makes for great entertainment while you're floating through the Warp on a derelict hulk. Interestingly it may be that "orkiness" works in a similar way to human faith when it comes to shielding adverse effects from the warp.
Tau are a bit of a mixed bag as for the most part they don't even believe there is any danger to the warp at all, which is terrible naive of them, but they got dealt a good hand in that they souls are particularly 'dim' in the warp which means they tend not to get noticed by the nasty things out there anyway.
In the current AoS setting it's the Kharadron Overlords the ones who have been looking for a way to neutralize magic-related phenomena, with the development of the magic-dampening null projectors and voidstone scatter-mines, these technologies seem to be costly and not widespread, but it appears to have effects both upon the Winds of Magic and Chaos-born powers although this hasn't been explored more than beyond some minor references.
Supposedly Azyr's magic has a strong anti-Chaos/Death effect, it's not clear if this is natural or the fact its incarnate is Sigmar, but it may be say that this source is still warp-based, the other Winds of Magic may have a similar potentiality but Azyr appears to be the best way to go when it comes to fighting Chaos. Probably this was done in order to link the best at chaos-smashing attribute to Sigmar's own power, as in Fantasy it was Hysh the wind of Light that was the most effective at purging Demons.
Faith seems to have a rather similar effect than 40k, with the best example being the Hallowed Knights, who have such a strong faith it shields them from adverse Chaos effects such as Nurgle's plagues.
Nagash has (perhaps unintentionally) stumbled on something similar with the magic-resistant Ossiarch Bonereapers of the Null Myriad. After being harshly opposed by the forces of Order, Nagash had them hide on the edges of Shyish, where they fought off many daemonic armies.
Hitchhiker's guide to the warp
- If you are NOT Chaos, Chaos-affilliated, Chaos-favored, a Blank, or a subject of "the divinity machine," you are already dead as the yawning abyss would have ripped your body apart and torn your soul asunder the moment you got close.
- Caveat: If youz an ork ave fun krumpen all da stuff with spikez on it!
- In Warhammer Fantasy, the Warp only holds non-Daemon attack hazards for beings who are tempted by Chaos (so mostly just weak-minded humans). In fact, there is a character lost within the Warp who the Chaos Gods have forbidden from being harmed, as a parody of Dante's Inferno.
- Being favored by Chaos is difficult, but is possible with the right "connections". If you have earned favor with one of those connections you will be given a "pass"; this "pass" comes in many forms, some of which are painful. It is also not "all access."
- Caveat: If youz an ork ave fun krumpen all da stuff with spikez on it!
- If you stop at a reflecting pool (the Warp equivalent of a truck stop), a certain chaos god may or may not be waiting to rape you in more ways than one.
- If you find Eldar stranded here, please sacrifice them to eternal torture under Slaanesh for fucking everything up.
- Do remember not to attempt this while near Khornates as they will rip your entrails out and garotte you...or worse.
- If you just kill the Eldar the Khornate will leave you alone... maybe.
- Feel free to Ride a screamer of Tzeentch like your own magical demon pony through the stars.
- Disclaimer: This action would require you to bind the daemon to your will. This may or may not result in the screamer eating your face off and drinking your soul like delicious tears.
- Feel free to eat the cookies-- they're warp-tastic (only take one or Slaanesh will lock you in her personal dungeon to make more)!
- If you wandered into the formless wastes, find a way out. Chaos Undivided is a bit boring.
- Do be careful to avoid the furies who will gang up and kill you because they have nothing better to do.
- If you wandered into the soul forges, be prepared for remodelling. You'll soon be
a daemon enginefed into the soul furnaces; your screaming, eternally tormented soul will be used as fuel, and your bodily remains will likely become a new daemon.
- If you wandered into the Fortress of Khorne, beat the living shit out of something before it beats the shit out of you. The fortress arenas accept all visitors as fighters unless they have visited more than 16 times (at which point they are considered a "resident"), or their name is on the black slate. Those who survive 84 rounds in the arena will be made into a Bloodletter.
- If you are a resident you will be given a choice of arena to enter from the 64 circles (visitors' arenas are randomly chosen). Please visit the sanctum of Kadingir for further information (there will be sign skull pikes directing you to the office, and no they do not clean the blood off the floor).
- If your name is on the black slate, entry to the arena made be made by appointment only. You are on the slate because you have either seriously depleted Khorne's forces last time you came, you cheated while in the arena, or both. The color of your name will indicate your status: purple is for cheaters, red is for victors. You may make an appointment to redeem yourself in Khorne's eyes or to challenge the endless carnage record. The current record for endless carnage is held by one "DoomGuy" at 9847 rounds; in second place is Skarbrand at 485 rounds, and in last place is Abbadon at 6 rounds.
- To make an appointment please enter the sanctum of Kadingir, state your name, present your weapon of choice (you will be restricted to 5 weapons at maximum; at least one must be melee only, and no weapons with a maximum range higher that 15 imp corpses will be accepted (measurement guide provided at office)), and your arena of choice. Appointments must be made at least 8 minutes in advance in order to give time for your opponents to revive or wake as well as for the blood servants to collect any skulls still on the ground. Then enter the brass armory to select your weapons and proceed to the elevator to the arenas.
- Do be careful not to wander into the Juggernaut pens (they are clearly marked by skulls). They will gore you until you're a stain on the floor. If you do escape, the Bloodletters will stab you for entering the Juggernaut pens without permission.
- Juggernaut rodeos are only on Sundays between the hours of 8 o'candle and 6 o'candle. Bring your own gear.
- If you died fighting in Khorne's name and were carried off by a smoking hot daemonic Viking chick in red armour - congratulations, you may have entered Chaos Valhalla.
- If you wandered into the Palace of Slaanesh, fap or schlick depending what parts you have. You might become a Daemonette
- If Slaanesh is feeling whimsical, you might instead end up as his/her new sex toy for fetishes best not described.
- If you wandered into the Garden of Nurgle you WILL become a Plaguebearer, regardless if you do anything or not. Unless you're a Mary Sue.
- If you manage to impress Nurgle by lasting a while you might end up as a Herald instead.
- If you are about to succumb to super Ebola in the Garden of Nurgle proceed to pop pimples/blackheads on your face and post it on YouTube. Who knows? You may actually gain Grandfather's favor. This is a last resort though and you will still end up a Plaguebearer.
- Alternatively, you may be eaten by one of the Garden's denizens or the Garden itself before you succumb to its many plagues. You may still become a Plaguebeaer after they shit you out, though.
- If you wandered into the Maze of Tzeentch... you're screwed.
- Do note this is because of the maze's purely magical nature. It is very likely you will either have your mind broken and be forced to wander the Maze for all eternity; have your immortal soul absorbed by the Maze; or wander into one of the Maze's continually spawning spires where you will be trapped for all eternity. Just as planned.
- If you're Oxyotl or Kaldor Draigo, troll away.
- If you're NOT a Skink or Kaldor Draigo, meet up with Oxyotl, Kaldor Draigo and Leman Russ, get hammered (it is safe to drink despite the aura of menace), and troll together.
- If you find none of these gentlemen, start screaming that none of this is real and that gods are fake. When a short, plump, bald man appears next to you, proceed to troll away.
- If you're NOT a Skink or Kaldor Draigo, meet up with Oxyotl, Kaldor Draigo and Leman Russ, get hammered (it is safe to drink despite the aura of menace), and troll together.
- If you pop up next to the Eternal Mansion of Malal, talk nicely to the closest Guardian of Contradictions to let you in. You will successfully enter while suffering in the Barbed Forests of doubt, trying to escape the Great Oval of Unbelief, being NOMMED to spawn Paradoxes in the Nest of Ironies, AND running between the Moving Towers while Ticks try to hunt you down. Such is the way of a god that makes rolling a 7 with a d6 possible.
- If you are a Son of Malice, steal stuff screaming how you will kill them all!
- Alternatively you may try to catch daemons and procede to use them to battle other daemons like grimdark Pokémon.
- If you're a Null... how the fuck did you manage that?! Oh well, you're pretty much invincible. Have fun, troll away.
- Keep in mind that anything you touch or even approach (depending on your power) will likely dissolve into nothing. This includes things you stand on, like floors, bridges and stairs. This may even include air - so while psykers and even regular humans can get away by believing there is air around and warp being twisted by their will to manifest that belief, you're stuck with what you brought with you from the realspace.
- Yes, those pieces of toast are actually following you back to your warp hut. No, you're not high on warp dust. Feel free to eat them-- they taste like the cookies.
- For the more technically-inclined, find and join the Dark Mechanicum as a Heretek. It might take a century or several. Eventually the amount of menial labor will allow you access to the good shit that those Luddites working for the Corspe-God hoard for themselves. You won't care about the screams of your victims because you'll have implants to tune it out. You might have to modify or dispose of your fleshheap of a body but hey, you are a cyborg now. You can build yourself an awesome all new one. With booze and hookers. Just remember to choose or create tech serfs that are smart and loyal enough to not screw it up. After a Millennium of mad science and some luck. One day you could end up on par with Anacharis Scoria and sucker punch Primarchs like he can.