Wizardry: Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord

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Wizardry is the granddad of all video game RPGs. Unlike modern weeaboo crapstorms that most people call "RPGs", Wizardry is actually awesome.

It was built by a couple of dudes in their mom's basement a long time ago, and was meant to be a Dungeons & Dragons simulator. You start by rolling some characters, by spending points to build stats, picking races, classes, alignments and names. Then you go to the store and buy weapons and stuff. After that your task is to beat the ass of Werdna, the Wizard with a Backwards Name... and since Wizards have high INT (as everyone knows), he cleverly hid said ass at the bottom of a deep maze.

Wizardry is older than the internets, and therefore is ugly. There are no graphics, just crappy monster drawings and polygonal lines meant to represent dungeon walls. There are no teenagers with spiky hair, FMVs, purple elf women with big muscles, or other things that slowly turn you gay.

The game is also so challenging it makes weeaboo Ragnarok Online fans cry. Your field of vision blows dick, and the only way to get any sort of indication of where you are is to have your magical guys cast a spell. The monsters can kill you in one hit, and armor is expensive and doesn't really help. Treasures for winning fights are small, and put in chests that frequently have traps which your thief will fail to disarm. These traps will likely kill you, poison you (kill you), paralyze you (basically the same thing as kill you), or kill everyone at the same time. You have to go all the way back to town and pay tons of gold to get un-killed. Or you can just roll more characters and start over. OH YEAH and the dungeon is full of traps like pits (that kill you), dark zones (CAN'T SEE SHIT CAPN), spinners and teleporters, floors with wrapping edges, and other stuff that make you want to go home and be a family man. Often winning revolves around cheating, like resetting the game, sleeping for free and spamming cure spells, or rolling new characters, stealing their money and deleting them. But only if you're not a bad enough dude to rescue the amulet.

Wizardry Tips[edit]

1) Level up a lot.

2) After playing Wizardry, you can take a short time out to go play Baldur's Gate, or safely quit playing video games forever.

Legacy[edit]

Japanese people liked Wizardry so much that they made a whole bunch of other games that were like Wizardry, but lacking its distinct heterosexuality. Thus, Disgaea was born.